Remembrance and Revenge

    ‘Grown-up’ is a physical state; adulthood is more nebulous, not a finite process, more a never-ending work in progress.  I am grown up, but not an adult.  Imposter Syndrome implies you are doing a good job of convincing people you know what you’re doing.  If people can see through you, you are not a very good imposter.  Most of us are making it up as we go along, although we try to retrofit a ‘grand plan’ – a blueprint that shows where we are is where we wanted to be.  

    “Shoot for the Moon and if you fail at least you will land among the stars,” say the mawkish greetings cards.  There are no stars between the Earth and the Moon, only the sucking vacuum of space, where you will die cold alone and bloated.  Put that in a card.  

    The direction I’m heading in now is as good as any and now I’m in my 60s it doesn’t really matter where I end up; I am not going to be a millionaire or cure cancer now and I’m certainly never going to represent my country in any sport.

    I will settle for being a man-child.  It wasn’t my parents’ job to make me into anything; that was my responsibility.  Yes, they were rubbish parents but so are lots of people.  They weren’t responsible for delivering me into adulthood, that’s a journey I had to navigate myself and there is no sign saying, “You have reached your destination.”